So you think you can dance

I do not claim to be an expert on dance.  I do enjoy it.  Whatever I’m going to say here is just based on my own experience and are ALL my own opinions.  They do not come from any dance ‘Rule book’, or professional analysis on anything at all.

Westernized forms of Latin dance Look like drag queen dancing.  There’s too much sharp snapping of the sexual zones of the body.  Too much “ass out” kind of stuff going on.  For the purpose of competitive events, where did anybody gain the right to create uber technical rules  that people can be judged by about the dances (not including originally western dances like Waltz etc.).  Honestly even the make up on the women look like drag queens, and the male dance partners seem tooooo feminine.  I have nothing against homosexual people, don’t misunderstand.  I just think that westernized Latin dance compared to where Latin dance originally came from is like a drag queens walk compared to a feminine walk.

Here is a mild example of what I don’t like:

And here is an example of what I do like:

A good dance is smooth.  Now, in my opinion its all about making the woman feel good (beautiful, admired, sensual, feminine etc.)  It is one where the man and the woman feel comfortable with each other.  Where the man and the woman allow each other to enjoy the closeness of their bodies without being creepy.  Sometimes, it does get so comfortable that one could take that chemistry off the dance floor and into the bedroom with a complete stranger.  But so what.   I think it happens when you are able to read even the slightest intention in the dance from whoever you’re dancing with.  There are people you’ll have this dance chemistry with, and its a very rare thing.

My opinion on what a good male dancer dancer is:  He asks a woman to dance.  I don’t know about elsewhere in the world, but for some reason the general way that things happen on the dance floor in South Africa is that women literally CHASE men to ask them to dance with her.  I think it is just a result of the fact that generally here there are more women attending dance classes than men, so men are usually more in demand.  And it ends up spiraling out of control ending up with a very unhealthy reversal of gender phenomenon.  Now I’m all for being a strong woman, but on the dance floor, I like the traditional kind of male/female interaction (So shoot me if you want to).  He is confident and in control without any kind of force or arrogance.  He is in the lead, but respectfully so. He is gentle, in the most manly way.   Without being creepy, he makes a woman feel like he is dancing with her, and he is enjoying it, no matter what his/her level.  He is less concerned about impressing the ‘audience’.  He does not get close to breaking her arms or her back trying to get her to do moves so that he can look cool to whoever is watching him.  He does not make her feel bad for making ‘mistakes’.  He does not force her into anything.  He does not behave like a peacock on the dance floor.

In general, my opinion of a good dancer is one who thoroughly enjoys it, and is not dancing for the sole purpose of looking good, and impressing and subsequently intimidating innocent bystanders.  He/she makes others who don’t know how to dance (yet) feel welcome.  It is generally not so in South Africa.  And its a god damn shame.

Well folks, after all of that, Its me heading off to the first party of the Mzansi Salsa festival in South Africa which I have alot of opinions about here.  Maybe I’ll tell you about them later ;).  Its a Halloween party, so I’m just dressed all in black with heavy eye liner and red lipstick and some crazy goth neck jewellery.  If anybody asks what scary thing I am, I’m going with the story that I’m one of those evil sexy hell dwelling women that make hell a better place to be.


Can someone please explain to me

Why some 40+ year old man who’s been relentlessly pursuing  me starts being an asshole after I let him know I’m interested.  Why he would send me silly messages after I subsequently ask him to please fuck off?  Why he follows me in the traffic to where I’m going and when getting there he has nothing to say?  Why he asks his friends to send me messages to say “Hi”.    I wa wa wa wa wonder!  Wa wa wa wa why???

People who thrive on diminishing others


There are people among us who thrive on diminishing others.  You find them everywhere, at work, in the family, masquerading as friends, romantic partners …  they have for whatever combination of life circumstances, developed this modus operandi of subtly but effectively belittling others.  And why they mostly get away with it is because the rest of (unsuspecting) us have been raised to respect the feelings and boundaries of others, to be kind, and give others a chance before we give ourselves a chance.

What I have learnt is they cannot make me feel ashamed of my expectations.  They cannot make me ashamed of my feelings.  They cannot make me ashamed of my passion.  They cannot force their beliefs on me.   They cannot discredit my opinions.  They cannot make me do anything I don’t want to do.  Their opinion about me is not important.  They cannot make me feel small.  I don’t allow them that power over me anymore.