This is the facebook page of the mother of a teenage girl who killer herself two weeks ago. Is it just me, or does something not add up? I can imagine why her daughter may have felt lonely… anyways.
I’d say the above poem gravely underestimates the what makes humans different from animals. I am no expert. But I am an on and off bulimic (been off for a few months already for those who are wondering). Its not biological. If it were, then cavemen would have suffered of body issues and eating disorders. No, they didn’t have the luxury. I’d say, this is an excuse to try to avoid feeling the shame at being responsible for what people who don’t have eating disorders would consider vile and ridiculous behavior. At worst its psychological. Meaning, we have the power to overcome it if we put our mind to it. Too much of modern thinking involves shifting the blame to some magic factor eg “the energy is not right”, “Its in my genes”, in effect leaving it up to someone/something else to fix us, a doctor, a pill, a witch doctor, a priest etc. We take no responsibility. This mindset is symptomatic of modern Western society. Its so ironic because we look down on ancient cultures when they look to “spirits” for answers and help, yet we do worse (by our own standards). We know – or are able to know – so much, yet we have given up all control over ourselves and lives. We pay OTHER people to make our (processed crap) food choices. We rely on OTHER people to fix the damage we do to our bodies from eating bad and neglecting ourselves, We pay Doctors to fix the psychology of our heads. In this, the age of abundant and free information, we are most unwilling to think for ourselves and use the thing that most separates us from the animal kingdom: the power of reasoning, analysis, and choice, to overcome psychological issues
I read this article a few minutes ago discussing how the healthcare system does not provide adequate medical care to people (women) suffering from eating disorders, namely anorexia and bulimia. I know first hand what its like to have one of those eating disorders. I must say, I don’t blame the healthcare workers for not taking it seriously, because when it comes down to it, its JUST about eating and keeping the food down.
Its tough to overcome an eating disorder. In actual fact, its mostly something you just have to live with forever. There’s no getting over it. Its like a little demon living inside you. Once you know how to purge, you could easily do it anytime that you don’t feel like packing on calories from the crap you’ve eaten. And once you know how to live with feeling hungry, and control you eating to that extreme, you are always eating with that mindset. Even if you reverse the physical effects of extreme starving, your mindset about food will persist. It is a disorder of the mind. No amount of drips or treatment of the physical effects will nurse the anorexic/bulimic back to a healthy state of mind. On the contrary, it will just send them back in a fury starving or binging/purging.
So what puts it in people’s (women’s) mind, the want to be thin? This is the basis of why they develop and maintain eating disorders. If they wanted to be really clever for example, they may spend an unhealthy amount of hours obsessed with reading lots of books. The only thing that rang a bell for me in that article is the phrase: “society where thinness is valued and dieting is common”. And it occurred to me that those were the things we needed to fix in order to get rid of anorexia and bulimia, and no doubt some other common female issues that have persisted through the ages. Basically, it comes down to three things and the motivation behind them. The way we dress, the way we eat, and the way society sees our value.
Society First and foremost: It has always been a woman’s looks that are noticed first, by the whole world, including women. It rarely matters (firstly) that she is a scientist, brilliant actress, good mother, fabulous author, gifted artist etc. What she gets valued for and criticized on, first and foremost, are her looks, her style, her body, and choices around these things. Just have a look around you. You’ll see that this is true, even in the way you look at women (even if you are a woman yourself). I came across this picture the other day:
There you go. We have accepted it. We define an attractive man as one who looks dressed for success, and accept, even revel in the fact that we are seen to be attractive by our bodies (nearly naked wearing lingerie to please the desires of who?). Shame, shame, what a shame!
Society has trained us to take this approach to women. In us (women), there’s an innate need (maybe another society brainwashing), to please, and to be accepted. We, perhaps even by our (need to please) nature, buy into this way of life. Striving to look hot, pretty, younger than we are, thinner (always wanting to be thinner), so that we can look beautiful. A woman’s physical beauty is what defines her in society. Even when she is absolutely incredible in other ways (eg, top executive in a great company), she wants to be that and look hot at the same time. Many popular storylines in sitcoms and movies portray the nerdy ugly duckling (girl/woman), coming into herself and transforming to a creature of exquisite beauty and fashion sense. And low self esteem is deemed to be the cause of her not being this definition of beauty and fashion before her transformation. While men on the other hand, can look sloppy, wrinkly, overweight and generally unattractive, but our eyes will still see him as attractive because of – guess what? – what he does!
Decades ago, society was obsessed with covering up that beauty, protecting the value of a woman so to speak. Now in modern society, with the coming of rights and freedoms for women, we have misconstrued the revolution in the worst way. We have accepted that our value lies only in our body and the way it looks. Not even what it can do. We reject the paternal masculine societies impositions on us by baring ourselves … because it is our right of course. Baring ourselves so that men can look and desire, but not touch. We can shame men for their primal instincts, force them to control it, by fighting for our rights to bare ourselves. We reinforce in the justice system that no-one is allowed to touch/violate us not matter what little we wear. We bare ourselves at the expense even of our own physical comfort. We have objectified ourselves. Objects to be looked at sexually. What we have done is accepted the chauvinist definition of where our value lies.
It is no wonder then that so many women, young and old, are so obsessed with being thin and starving/purging their way to that goal, so that they can be the smallest size (most feminine and vulnerable), not an inch/fold of fat anywhere, look the neatest in the skimpiest fashionable clothes, feel the most engulfed and protected in a man’s arms. And the men, where are they? They are laughing all the way to the bank (no more need to pay at strip clubs when there’s enough to see everywhere). We have accepted that what is most feminine is to be fragile, beautiful, to be admired, desired and protected, looked at but not touched, lest we be broken/bruised/stained, like a fragile flower. Is this not the most useless fight on planet earth – fighting for our right to be naked and not be touched? Is there nothing more valuable to fight for, for women to evolve towards? Are we merely fragile flowers? I have enough strong women around me to know that this is not our nature. I have seen first hand that women, mostly as a result of circumstances, by their nature are strong, physically, emotionally, and intellectually. Difficult circumstances force a woman to step into her true nature. Society offers no help or compassion to a woman who’s life has become hard.
The second issue is the shit that we get fed, literally. This goes for men and women. If we ate real food, there would be very little overeating and obesity going on. I read this interesting article which explains the difference between real food and fake processed food. Basically, processed food is so dense in calories, and void of nutrients. So many calories in so little space. No wonder we have to overeat to feel full. Real food has MUCH less calories for alot more weight and volume, and is packed with nutrients as well. So its designed (by nature), to fill you up without overeating in the calorie department. Why have only two blocks of chocolate when you can have a whole banana! Processed food is the devil that fuels our unhealthy overweight society which looks towards ridiculous dieting and eating disorders for relief. Processed food gets marketed to us, and we get addicted to the salt and sugar, which keeps us hooked.
So, parents, be conscious of how you raise your kids. Be aware. Awareness is key. It is only the parents of generations of kids to come who can make a real difference in society’s future. As for the rest of us, we are brainwashed, even if aware of the fact. The unhealthy building blocks are cemented in our brains.
I never knew about Nape Phasha. Until today that is. I found out about him when I came across this post in my news feed on facebook.
The comments on that post start out quite racist. Firstly, for no reason, the witness (presumably a white South African) points out that its a black guy who drove the car that hit the biker. No real reason to point out the colour, but well, he does. Then immediately, all the suspicions in the comments after that that it must be a stolen vehicle, or that they hope its not a stolen vehicle which would make identifying the perpertrator nearly impossible. Well of course, because such a fancy car cannot be owned by the black person who drove it.
Later of course the tale takes a twist. Some commenters have access to tracing the registration to the owners of the car and turns out to belong to the Phasha family. Somewhat famous because their son Nate Phasha appeared on this Rich Kids reality thing, which I of course have never heard of before as I don’t have Satellite tv, and wouldn’t be watching that kind of thing anyway even if I had. So all of a sudden the commenting takes a twist for the bitter. The little bastard, and the cop files will get lost now because money wins etc. Which may not be altogether unfounded. Please South Africa, train your cops more, pay your cops more, give your cops more counselling, and police your cops more so that less of that kind of shit happens.
Well, as is normal, curiosity overtakes me and I want to know more about this family, and how they got to be so rich. So I find his mum’s twitter and her facebook, and his dad’s facebook and of course Nape’s facebook. Man, the mum and son are damn fine. He of course is just a normal young man, albeit typically ‘rich kid’. Someone you might actually like to hang out with, especially if you’re into looking fine and taking selfies of yourself looking fine. The mum looks like she could be her son’s girlfriend. In a very good way. And definitely no plastic surgery. She is just naturally so. Kiss my ass hollywood. She doesn’t seem very deep and bright on her twitter and facebook accounts though.
Then of course I came across their company website, and I realize, the answer to the question ‘how can this be?’ probably is that they have some connections for government tenders. I would take tenders too if I had the chance. That’s human nature. I know I am not above that. From my layperson’s investigative viewpoint, I think they started out years ago (1987) with a normal minibus taxi transport business, and then later, when democracy came, they had the right connections to be set up with a more high profile transport tender, and then later on they added on a construction company, a cleaning company, school modernization company, safety equipment company, security company, waste management company. I think these were also tender connections. I don’t know if I would be confident enough to take on all of that, but I don’t say I wouldn’t be tempted if offered.
Its a story that’s South African in the very present sense. And shows alot of cracks in our society. Cracks that are widening to separate us even more economically, and along ridiculously archaic skin colour definitions.
Its never nice for any family of any economic level to go through such a thing. And its never nice to die in a motorbike crash, especially when the person who hit you was blatantly disobeying the law. Almost all of us disobey the law. Its a case of extremely unlucky when, while doing so, you knock someone/something, especially if you hurt/kill or get hurt/killed. Lets hope the system works for justice for all. Lets leave race out of this.
Disclaimer: This is is all my viewpoint, and assumptions based on my own Google and social media investigation. I don’t claim anything to be factual. Just my interpretation. If I am wrong, or offensive, I apologize in advance. I am only human unfortunately.
I just couldn’t put my finger on you. All these so called little things, your conveniences at the expense of mine. Subtly made to feel guilty when you acted like Jesus, after I said No, after which I started to do what you wanted. All the while thinking I was the one who was unreasonable, extreme, selfish refusing to do such little things for you. Little, little things, heaping up, to slowly wear me down. You told me you spent days feeling broken after I’d hurt you. I have never thrown this is the face of anyone who has hurt me, because my emotions are my responsibility. Why would you want me to know? Silence, doe facedness and “Thanks” your leash on me. Enough!
I see the strength so clear in your composition, the comfort in your manliness. An air of confidence which only you have, which others have lost in the struggle for modern equality. I see in you a strong passion for survival. To beat the odds. To be silent and live above centuries of degradation and the wisdom in that. I see you now and feel a symphony of emotions: compassion, sadness, admiration, guilt, love, a desire to touch your silky skin, lusting you, loving you. Primal.