A responsible dad?

dad

He would make a perfect partner right?  Maybe not.  Maybe he couldn’t be bothered to even fit you in anywhere.  Can’t bother to take you out but ask you if you’ve made supper since he is hungry.  Maybe he spends the whole sunshine part of the weekend with his kid, which is noble, and what a bitch you would be to expect him to spend any of that time with you.  Maybe he would expect you to ask him out, with the going out subsequently never happening.  Maybe he would regularly check up on what you were doing, just for checking up but not to make any plans.  Maybe he will announce he is available and expect you to do the asking to meet up or something like that.  And after a long day of him working till 10pm,  he will deny that him wanting to ‘come over’ is nothing more than a booty call because that’s just the time he finished working and he wants to see you and in defense proclaim to be able to sleep next to you for a month without expecting sex. Fuck

Sigh.  Another one wolf.  Another one.  Fuck

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How long can a woman take to learn her lesson.

  • Some women refuse to learn from their mistakes.  This friend of mine’s been dating younger black guys for many years.  She is approximately 60 appears to be comfortably able to support herself, travel on a whim, and not have to work to do it.  So easy target for a guy looking for a financial shoulder to lean on.   And they clearly only see her as a sugarmommy.  In my conversation with her below, you will see her delusion.  The latest one is living with his ex (I’m sure the ex is not aware that she is the ex, and I’m not convinced that she’s become the ex), never contacts her, and she doesn’t feel like she’s allowed to expect anything from him.  The alleged ex btw is also an older woman from Germany.  Yet she believes he loves her so much more than she loves him and that its deep deep love.  I find it hard to believe that she believes herself.   I also find it somewhat tragic that she thinks the alternative to being faithful to a half-hearted, unavailable boyfriend is ‘playing around’ instead of letting her life be about her life and not about sex with other men, who would be strangers to her.  Her so called boyfriend’s name is Jonas, and Kevin is a friend of Jonas whom I’ve been on one or two dates with.
    The problem with women is we base our feelings on our feelings, not on facts. And then we lie to ourselves and to our friends who will support our delusions due to a combination of not wanting to hurt our feelings and also the knowledge that opposing our delusions will do no good in any case.  I also think that many women have such low self esteem when it comes to men, that when a man so much as touches her with the tip of his middle finger, she reckons something like:”Oh my God, he touched me, and I wouldn’t even touch me because I’m so ugly/boring/uninteresting/loser-ish -etc- So he must really really really love me very very much”.
    me

    I am disappointed in Kevin. I started thinking maybe its my warped man radar, but its not

    i thinks he only has time, or is willing to make time for me at night

    which sounds like a booty call

    i’m glad I havent’ gone and bumped uglies with him yet

    so at least i’m thinking straight

  • friend

    ok but be aware he might have kids which is daytime thing

    and if it is going to be then it will be without drama
    Me
    yes, but if so, I’m not willing to be the woman to relieve his sexual tension
    and get nothing else from him
  • friend
    ok fair enough

    agree

    but has he even made a sexual move on you yet

    as he sounded respectful

    Me

    I’ve always been the one who is making excuses and seeing the potential in the man

    friend

  • i hear you there sista

    us woman do that
  • me
    he is respectful. we only kissed, he slept over in the spare room
  • but even respectful men do booty calls
  • friend
    was it nice to be with him
  • me
    i dont’ know him well enough to say if its nice or not
  • friend

    by the way i know absolutely nothing about him. jonas never said anything about him. i am jsut checking if you are running

  • me
    i don’t know him well enough, so not completely comfortable to do say whatever is on my mind

    I’m not running

  • friend
    ok
  • me
    I gave him a fair chance. Now I’m going to enjoy my holiday, I’m not going to contact him again.

    if he wants to make an effort of any kind its up to him, and if it continues to be a half hearted effort, then I’m going to cut it out

  • friend
    yeah go and enjoy yourself sure you going to dance

    and then we can all go to moz. oh i would love that

  • me
    he drinks alot too. i think some occasions he actually chose to go drink beer than to spend some time with me
  • friend
    yeah i must say with foreign men it is diff. the amount of no expectation i live with ,

    but do get on wit my lfie fully

  • me
    eish, the expecting nothing part is not good

    I’m not doing it again.

  • friend
    yeah – hard like waiting for crumbs , not good at all. so all i can do is live my life fully. he is totally supprotive but i imagine pissed off wiht me never there at all. in july we see what happens as i do know he is really specail

    and i know he loves me deeply , but when not in the same country eeek

  • me
    thats hard
  • friend
    and i don’t believe he plays around but i could be wrong after all i nearly played around myself.

    yeah hard but the love is deep

  • me
    lol, we all human in the end
  • friend
    i feel his comfort

    and he is still staying with his ex so that is also complicated

  • me
    Be careful girl, men and women are on very different wavelengths
  • friend
    but when i come back i want it ALL
  • me
    women feel a lot

    men don’t

  • friend
    hah

    i think he loves me more than i do but who knows

  • me
    if only it were possible to base one’s feelings on hard facts

    on what we see and experience

  • friend
    haha you wise woman

    maybe time for me to play – eh?

  • me
    who knows

    I think you should be honest and true to yourself and the really important things going on in your life

    give it all your heart

    and soul

  • friend
    i certainly can now

Pardon me for everything I’m about to say

written for the Daily Prompt: Never surrender

Today is not about me.  I’m trying to give up gossiping so I’ve nobody to talk to about this.  And I don’t really want to because I really like the woman I’m about to tell you about.

There is a certain kind of stubborn.  The kind we don’t even realize we have.  It keeps us in denial.  Constantly finding good excuses for keeping on doing silly things.  We are too stubborn to learn the lesson.

I have a friend.  Recently I’ve gotten to know her well.  And I like her quite a lot.  She is an older woman, nearly 60, white, single, friendly.  She has this one issue though.  She only dates younger black guys.   Now this is not the problem.   The problem is they see her coming like a treasure laden freight train.   They use her financially because she has a good heart.  And she falls for it time and time again.  They move in with her, have no job.  One of the guys perennially lied about his camera getting stolen and each time she bought him a new and better one.  That guy eventually cheated on her with her best friend to whom he is to married now.  Needless to say he is milking her too (She is also an older white woman).

So lately there’s a new guy on the block.  This one again has managed to get an ‘investment’ out of her for a business he wants to start.  Somehow in a strange way she swings it in a story that the investment seems to be of benefit to her as well.  Then in the latest development, she has paid for his travel expenses to his home country to gift him the opportunity to see his dying mother.  Needless to say, it turns out his mother has had a miraculous recovery and won’t be dying anymore.  She says she couldn’t live with herself if he didn’t get to see his dying mother and she says she fully believes the mother recovered because she got to see her son.  Sigh.

Oh the lies we tell ourselves.  The truths we refuse to see.

Ground-Hog Day

crazy woman

There’s this woman, Az.  She is one of the most interesting people I’ve ever met.  Why, because it seems her life has been in the same place for the last 10 years at least.  I’ve known her for about 4 years, as little more than an acquaintance.   The backdrop to her current life is a failed marriage.  Her ex-husband cheated on her time and time again and eventually she divorced him (or he decided, I’m not sure which).  From this marriage came 4 kids (I think).   The eldest daughter (barely 20 years old now), had fallen pregnant at the age of 16 from a chap who very soon went AWOL.  The youngest of Az’s children is about 10 years old.

So, it seems shortly after Az’s divorce, she got involved with a man who, by means of efforts to console her, made her his ‘other woman’.  He has a long term girlfriend of at least 10 years who ‘keeps’ him.  So, he will probably never leave because I doubt he is by the means or the inclination to ‘keep’ himself. Once, when it seemed that Az (his ‘other woman’) might win 400 000 smackaroos in a lawsuit, he proposed to her,  but the proposal was short lived as the parties she was suing appealed the court judgement and so the lawsuit is dragging on for another few years.  In the meantime, Az is  in a continually precarious financial position –  mostly because she is still responsible for all her children and her grandkid as well- So she is in no position to ‘keep’ any additional individuals.

Now, I watched Az’s status updates on facebook for as long as I could handle it.  Eventually, I just ‘hid’ her/or deleted her off my friends list because it was just killing me softly.  I gave her some riding lessons once, and since then I’ve had her on blackberry also.  And the wonderful status updates have been as entertaining as they were on facebook.

From the status updates, I judge there are periods (not longer than a month) when Az is being left alone, and then, perhaps, the ‘kept’ man will call her ‘my darling’ or something sweet like that and she’ll maybe have a roll in the hay for one night hoping that the sweet nothings he whispers softly in her ear might be true(er) this time.  Usually shortly after the ‘forgiveness’ and ‘happiness’ have made their appearance, come the updates indicating he’d disappointed her, perhaps by standing her up or something like that.  Then shortly after that come the updates that she has become a stronger, changed, wise woman.  And then (I guess when the ‘kept’ man doesn’t respond to this), come the updates of threats and revenge.  And finally, of course, the updates indicating that she is over it all.  This all happens within as short a timespan as a day.  So here’s the latest series of status updates Az put up starting (believe it or not) three days ago.  I’ll try to stay true to the typos, probably make of my own too.

“Really Happening? Pinching myself! 😀 “  – probably a roll in the hay here

“Do I really want this? Doubts or Reality?? 😕 😡 or just Truth?” – Probably he is not answering his phone and stood her up

“I have done enough” – She is growing in agro-ness because probably he is not responding yet.

“Time to focus on what I have neglected … me” – Here begins the self-upliftment.

“No sense wasting my breathe …” – Probably still trying to reach out to him.  Note the typo.

“Enough said. 🙂 time for change.” – Self upliftment, just so he knows it.

“Public Transport has its moments LOL 😆 “ -Just so he knows she has happy days too.

“Cape Town, you gotta love it! 😆 “ – She is so happy, he better know that.

“No1 has to Ask for someone’s time and their love … its suppose to be given from the heart” – Just so he knows she is a wise woman who is not gonna ask him again, but he can come around if he wants, I guess.  Note the typo.

“No1 has to Ask for someone’s time and their love … its suppose to be a given” – Maybe she thought this one sounded wiser.

“I have done enough for everyone and it was not appreciated … focusing me. 😀 “ – Self improvement again.

“Not surprised … LOL” – Maybe he stood her up and now she is pretending to find it funny.

“If I had to live my life again … I’d make the Same Mistakes … Only sooner”  Because she has become a very wise woman now from all the mistakes.

“Putting the truth out there, wueva falls … falls.  Done being fucked over!”.  Probably now she is going to make sure the girlfriend gets to know her guy has been busy with her again.

“I am not the woman I once was … I have become so much more 😀 “  – She is so wise now.

“Found my peace and quiet and it was right in front of me all this time. 🙂 “ – She is much better and much happier now, he better keep that in mind.

“Found my peace and quiet and it was right infront of me all this time. 🙂 later peeps”.  later peeps, makes it cooler.

“Now I can put the past to sleep” – He better know she is totally over him now.

“Not wasting this beautiful day at home! 😀 “ – He better know she is a happy go-getter now that she is over him.

“When people portray the innocent victim to others, yet in reality they are the villains … to each his own I guess”.  My guess is the girlfriend’s been scandaling around talking bad about her.

” 😀 “ He better know she is happy, and that whatever shit is going on, she is above it.

” 😀 Upliftment” –  yes because that’s what strong wise women do for themselves, and she is reminding him.

“Two close calls … not waiting for a 3rd one … need a break! 🙂 “ –  Things are happening in her life.  Mysterious things, I think here she is trying to tempt him to contact her to find out what’s going on.

“Had a moment of concern there … was just a moment of stupid lapse on my part … Not to worry, I brushed it off. 😆 “ – So he called, and the made a date, and he stood her up (or something along that lines), but he better know that it doesn’t affect her and she is laughing at herself for being so silly.

“Oops!!Had a moment of concern there … was just a moment of stupid lapse on my part … Not to worry, I brushed it off. 😆 “ – I guess the Oops makes it cuter.

“Music and laughter … perfect recipe 🙂 “ – Just to let him know she is so happy, and enjoying her life.

“Music and Laughter … perfect recipe 🙂 and my mood is set 😀 “ – Thought of something clever to add to the last one.

“Its awesome when things go wrong … cos there’s always a life line on the other side. 😀 “

I’m gona stop with my commentary now, you can see the pattern I’m sure.

“So lets talk about my bike!”

“So lets talk about my bike! Time to let the truth out! FB?”

“So lets talk about my bike! Time to let the truth out! FB? With names!”.

“My Bike! One by one they are gna fall.  And I will ensure it! And”

“My Bike! Nomore covering up.  The truth! Hell yes!”

“Start spreading the news … Az’s word is her honor! And everyone knows it! I will bring the biggest shame to biking history!”

“Oh this is one helluva THREAT! Pay up! Or I bring the BUILDING down! NO1 fucks me ova!”

By 7:30pm 2mrow nyt! There is nomore forgiveness for those who have done me more harm than good.  No revenge … just TRUTH! Something people no longer Respect!”.

“The countdown has begun! 😡 “

“Sorry peeps! I am a person of my word, 24 hrs has been given.  If my request I not granted then I have no need to keep silent”

“Just when you think you can’t anymore, God in His infinte wisdom sends you something or someone that makes you forget. 🙂 “  he came back and got her in the sack again.

“Misplaced Loyalty … now restored. :)” – Shoo, I guess a roll in the sack is enough to win back her loyalty.

“Now for the”

“LMAO Crap phone I have! I wonder what the Sony Exp Z is like?”.

“When people have no Conscience” – Here we go again

“Me Time 😀 all me 😉 “

“When you going through Hell … Keep walking … “Winston Churchill” “

“Never push a woman past her pain! LOL! Hell is a Haven when that happens” I guess she means Heaven.

” 😕 “

” 😕 😕 “

“today is my alone time 😐 “

Wow, typing her status updates out on a keyboard was a hell of a mission, I can only imagine what a mission it is via a cell phone.  Hats off to her for her drive and dedication.  This is only for the last 3 days.  She is 40 years old.  I firmly believe that women who’ve been through a divorce should go for serious counselling.  Many turn out to have a ground hog life as demonstrated above.

The unevolved man

neanderthals

Disclaimer:  I’m no expert, so all of what I write is only based on what goes on in my busy head from time to time.

This post is regarding my current experience with the rather ridiculous game which the unevolved man plays with women.  I read alot of posts and blogs on relationships, particularly failed ones, particularly when I’d been emotionally burnt.  The theme is usually the same.  Don’t chase, don’t act desperate, do not give up your life and sacrifice your all, do not ask about commitment … blah di blah, di blah di blah.   I always think, “who can you be but who you are?”

I don’t know if I fall into any kind of category of womanly behavior, I probably do,  I just wouldn’t be able to say which one.   Its hard to ‘watch’ onesself and be completely objective.  What I do know, is that I’m rather interesting, quite easy going,  have no problem doing things on my own and being alone.  I have a good sense of humour, and I don’t look too bad either.  But the outcome for me when it comes to romantic interaction basically  seems like one which is experienced by the ‘desperate’ woman.

Basically, I think it comes down to partly my own fault because I do tend to be courteous and I usually am overly accommodating in general.  I think its part of my upbringing to do my best to make people feel welcome and comfortable even if it costs a bit of sacrifice from my side.

I’ve tried following the popular relationship advice.  Basically the advice is to be a  feisty bitch, and go out and have a good life irrespective of what anybody else wants from you.  Its possible, but often hard to do when one’s head is not fully in that space.  To be honest, up to now this has worked for me in attracting that neanderthal-like male who plays that ridiculous game of chase if she’s being a nasty bitch and run when she’s being nice.   In my opinion, this is kind of alright when it comes to a booty call, but I sure as hell don’t want to be playing this game in a long term relationship.  So many women get caught up in this kind of thing for years with the same old monkey.

Its good to feel grounded, and have a couple of good booty calls who are chasing so fiercely, because I really don’t feel to go out of my way to accommodate them (mostly because I now only do what I prefer).  One day though, I’d like to experience the interaction with a more evolved man.    Maybe I’m too much of a monkey still to know and evolved man when I see one.

Can someone please explain to me

Why some 40+ year old man who’s been relentlessly pursuing  me starts being an asshole after I let him know I’m interested.  Why he would send me silly messages after I subsequently ask him to please fuck off?  Why he follows me in the traffic to where I’m going and when getting there he has nothing to say?  Why he asks his friends to send me messages to say “Hi”.    I wa wa wa wa wonder!  Wa wa wa wa why???