written for the Daily prompt: If you leave
I have this fantasy that I’d like to not be where I am anymore. Sometimes I wish I was just an orphan with no human ties. No family weddings and funerals and formalities. I’ve never known how to act in awkward situations like comforting someone who’s experienced great loss. I struggle to say ‘I love you’ to my mother. Not because I don’t.
I have this fantasy to just find a way to leave here and go live somewhere natural and beautiful where there’s nothing much else around. No people.
Written for The Daily Post:Time after time
Tradition is not something I do for pleasure. But the memory of them is pleasurable (even if, like now, they sometimes make me cry). It keeps the child in me alive. The feeling of trusting someone completely, feeling safe, and belonging somewhere.
The night before Eid was a special night to the child version of me. My mother was a single mother. We knew she loved us, but she didn’t have a lot of time to show us because she worked so many hours to keep us safe and warm. The memory of the night before Eid is something I will always cherish. The soothing smell of sweet things baking in the oven. Helping in the kitchen, fitting on our fancy specially made dresses for the next day. Going to bed late. Licking the leftover cake batter still clinging to the mixing bowl. A whole night of two happy little girls in love with their mother.
There are people among us who thrive on diminishing others. You find them everywhere, at work, in the family, masquerading as friends, romantic partners … they have for whatever combination of life circumstances, developed this modus operandi of subtly but effectively belittling others. And why they mostly get away with it is because the rest of (unsuspecting) us have been raised to respect the feelings and boundaries of others, to be kind, and give others a chance before we give ourselves a chance.
What I have learnt is they cannot make me feel ashamed of my expectations. They cannot make me ashamed of my feelings. They cannot make me ashamed of my passion. They cannot force their beliefs on me. They cannot discredit my opinions. They cannot make me do anything I don’t want to do. Their opinion about me is not important. They cannot make me feel small. I don’t allow them that power over me anymore.
Might heal wounds but doesn’t change facts.
don’t taste like chocolate and that explains a lot
… Feeling the deepest sense of elation. I realized I don’t have everything, but I have everything I ever wanted! And its not in the things I have or anybody in my life, but just in the way I feel inside. Its going to be a beautiful day!
“It takes courage to grow up and become who you really are.” ~E.E. Cummings