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How long can a woman take to learn her lesson.

  • Some women refuse to learn from their mistakes.  This friend of mine’s been dating younger black guys for many years.  She is approximately 60 appears to be comfortably able to support herself, travel on a whim, and not have to work to do it.  So easy target for a guy looking for a financial shoulder to lean on.   And they clearly only see her as a sugarmommy.  In my conversation with her below, you will see her delusion.  The latest one is living with his ex (I’m sure the ex is not aware that she is the ex, and I’m not convinced that she’s become the ex), never contacts her, and she doesn’t feel like she’s allowed to expect anything from him.  The alleged ex btw is also an older woman from Germany.  Yet she believes he loves her so much more than she loves him and that its deep deep love.  I find it hard to believe that she believes herself.   I also find it somewhat tragic that she thinks the alternative to being faithful to a half-hearted, unavailable boyfriend is ‘playing around’ instead of letting her life be about her life and not about sex with other men, who would be strangers to her.  Her so called boyfriend’s name is Jonas, and Kevin is a friend of Jonas whom I’ve been on one or two dates with.
    The problem with women is we base our feelings on our feelings, not on facts. And then we lie to ourselves and to our friends who will support our delusions due to a combination of not wanting to hurt our feelings and also the knowledge that opposing our delusions will do no good in any case.  I also think that many women have such low self esteem when it comes to men, that when a man so much as touches her with the tip of his middle finger, she reckons something like:”Oh my God, he touched me, and I wouldn’t even touch me because I’m so ugly/boring/uninteresting/loser-ish -etc- So he must really really really love me very very much”.
    me

    I am disappointed in Kevin. I started thinking maybe its my warped man radar, but its not

    i thinks he only has time, or is willing to make time for me at night

    which sounds like a booty call

    i’m glad I havent’ gone and bumped uglies with him yet

    so at least i’m thinking straight

  • friend

    ok but be aware he might have kids which is daytime thing

    and if it is going to be then it will be without drama
    Me
    yes, but if so, I’m not willing to be the woman to relieve his sexual tension
    and get nothing else from him
  • friend
    ok fair enough

    agree

    but has he even made a sexual move on you yet

    as he sounded respectful

    Me

    I’ve always been the one who is making excuses and seeing the potential in the man

    friend

  • i hear you there sista

    us woman do that
  • me
    he is respectful. we only kissed, he slept over in the spare room
  • but even respectful men do booty calls
  • friend
    was it nice to be with him
  • me
    i dont’ know him well enough to say if its nice or not
  • friend

    by the way i know absolutely nothing about him. jonas never said anything about him. i am jsut checking if you are running

  • me
    i don’t know him well enough, so not completely comfortable to do say whatever is on my mind

    I’m not running

  • friend
    ok
  • me
    I gave him a fair chance. Now I’m going to enjoy my holiday, I’m not going to contact him again.

    if he wants to make an effort of any kind its up to him, and if it continues to be a half hearted effort, then I’m going to cut it out

  • friend
    yeah go and enjoy yourself sure you going to dance

    and then we can all go to moz. oh i would love that

  • me
    he drinks alot too. i think some occasions he actually chose to go drink beer than to spend some time with me
  • friend
    yeah i must say with foreign men it is diff. the amount of no expectation i live with ,

    but do get on wit my lfie fully

  • me
    eish, the expecting nothing part is not good

    I’m not doing it again.

  • friend
    yeah – hard like waiting for crumbs , not good at all. so all i can do is live my life fully. he is totally supprotive but i imagine pissed off wiht me never there at all. in july we see what happens as i do know he is really specail

    and i know he loves me deeply , but when not in the same country eeek

  • me
    thats hard
  • friend
    and i don’t believe he plays around but i could be wrong after all i nearly played around myself.

    yeah hard but the love is deep

  • me
    lol, we all human in the end
  • friend
    i feel his comfort

    and he is still staying with his ex so that is also complicated

  • me
    Be careful girl, men and women are on very different wavelengths
  • friend
    but when i come back i want it ALL
  • me
    women feel a lot

    men don’t

  • friend
    hah

    i think he loves me more than i do but who knows

  • me
    if only it were possible to base one’s feelings on hard facts

    on what we see and experience

  • friend
    haha you wise woman

    maybe time for me to play – eh?

  • me
    who knows

    I think you should be honest and true to yourself and the really important things going on in your life

    give it all your heart

    and soul

  • friend
    i certainly can now

Pardon me for everything I’m about to say

written for the Daily Prompt: Never surrender

Today is not about me.  I’m trying to give up gossiping so I’ve nobody to talk to about this.  And I don’t really want to because I really like the woman I’m about to tell you about.

There is a certain kind of stubborn.  The kind we don’t even realize we have.  It keeps us in denial.  Constantly finding good excuses for keeping on doing silly things.  We are too stubborn to learn the lesson.

I have a friend.  Recently I’ve gotten to know her well.  And I like her quite a lot.  She is an older woman, nearly 60, white, single, friendly.  She has this one issue though.  She only dates younger black guys.   Now this is not the problem.   The problem is they see her coming like a treasure laden freight train.   They use her financially because she has a good heart.  And she falls for it time and time again.  They move in with her, have no job.  One of the guys perennially lied about his camera getting stolen and each time she bought him a new and better one.  That guy eventually cheated on her with her best friend to whom he is to married now.  Needless to say he is milking her too (She is also an older white woman).

So lately there’s a new guy on the block.  This one again has managed to get an ‘investment’ out of her for a business he wants to start.  Somehow in a strange way she swings it in a story that the investment seems to be of benefit to her as well.  Then in the latest development, she has paid for his travel expenses to his home country to gift him the opportunity to see his dying mother.  Needless to say, it turns out his mother has had a miraculous recovery and won’t be dying anymore.  She says she couldn’t live with herself if he didn’t get to see his dying mother and she says she fully believes the mother recovered because she got to see her son.  Sigh.

Oh the lies we tell ourselves.  The truths we refuse to see.

People who thrive on diminishing others

boundaries

There are people among us who thrive on diminishing others.  You find them everywhere, at work, in the family, masquerading as friends, romantic partners …  they have for whatever combination of life circumstances, developed this modus operandi of subtly but effectively belittling others.  And why they mostly get away with it is because the rest of (unsuspecting) us have been raised to respect the feelings and boundaries of others, to be kind, and give others a chance before we give ourselves a chance.

What I have learnt is they cannot make me feel ashamed of my expectations.  They cannot make me ashamed of my feelings.  They cannot make me ashamed of my passion.  They cannot force their beliefs on me.   They cannot discredit my opinions.  They cannot make me do anything I don’t want to do.  Their opinion about me is not important.  They cannot make me feel small.  I don’t allow them that power over me anymore.