Men need supportive women, women are luckless in love.


The last year or so, something about successful relationships is becoming very clear to me.  A successful heterosexual relationship in general appears to consist of a man and a very supportive woman.  And by supportive I mean a woman who sacrifices herself, her own goals, and interests to focus on her man and what he wants.  And a good man will thrive in this situation.  He needs her to be weak in someways to make him feel strong and useful.  A woman in a relationship consequently loses herself.  Which I think, contrary to the popular, masculine patronizing, belief system is what leads to successful women being luckless in love because a stereotypical successful woman would not sacrifice herself.  I don’t believe that its the sarcasm, and rudeness that deters men.  I think that her independence makes her seem less supportive.  And yes, expecting a man to be man enough and secure in himself to not need her to make him her whole world is less supportive, but in a healthy way.  The problem, in my opinion is that a handful of strong woman have evolved up to now, and I’m sure also a handful of men, secure enough to suit these women, but the numbers are such that its rare to cross paths with each other.  This article kind of hits the nail on the head when it comes to how supportive women boosts her partner:

Don’t be a useless woman

Women who act useless, well, my tolerance for them is becoming less and less.  It is because of them that in this advanced modern age, life is still shit for women.

Yesterday, in boxing class, some chic pitched up, quite late, nothing fashionable about being late by the way.  Its just plain disrespectful.  Hair loose, and lips painted red.  We were bouncing around at the time, those of us where on time, doing our best interpretation of Mohammad Ali’s ‘float like a butterfly’.  And she joined in doing something like this:

Can’t deal …

As if that’s not enough, the coach and the other guys were beside themselves for this chic who is too lazy to make an effort to be amazing.  She prefers to be weak, useless and pretty.  She hadn’t been to class for 2 weeks, and the coach says we should take her as an example, she hasn’t been to class, and is pushing herself.  Poor attendance, and definitely not pushing herself, and there’s nothing to be admired about that.  The coach’s reaction is what’s worse for me.  Reinforces what I think about men.  That’s what so disappointing.  I don’t have a crush on the coach, no, but it pisses me off because majority of huMANity are like him.  And women like me, have to sift through the lot of them, to find the rare gem who has graduated past the drama this guy describes here:

Anyway, I have news for that guy who wrote that load of crap.  You’re an idiot man.  You were attracted by the drama, and now you want it gone, i.e, you want the woman to change.  Go jump off a bridge, fuck off.  And as for keeping the long hair just because you like it.  Fuck you.  How about you keep the 6 pack you had when she met you, or develop a nice long penis, because she would prefer that to the little one you have.

So yes, we have to find the rare gems, who have graduated past all that chic(ken) shit, and are ready for a woman, strong in her own right, like mother nature intended.  No we are not perfect.  If you find us sarcastic, don’t judge us for that.  We have to witness this irritating male and female dynamics daily – man to the rescue of damsel in distress – and that’s enough to cause sarcasm in mother Theresa.  As for us not needing you being a turnoff: Why is there anything wrong with just being emotionally supportive from either side, man or woman.  Why is needing a man even an attractor.  As time goes on, a woman will need her man for more than just that, thats just the physiology of the relationship, and the man will need his woman more too.  But to judge off the bat that the woman doesn’t need anyone without even trying a relationship, that’s plain and simply immature.  You can go fuck off and go learn more life lessons before you try a real woman again.

I hate that feminine is synonymous with being physically weak, emotionally volatile, technically incompetent.  Feminine is synonymous with masking natural beauty under heavy make up, and smelling fake.  Pisses me off.

Phases of break up

never learn

A breakup is a painful long slow process for me, I go through these phases:

No contact, but stalking and reviewing – very torturous, wondering and waiting waiting for him to make contact.  And cry cry cry cry.

If I’m good and strong, I don’t respond to any attempts at contact.  If I’m not that strong, I respond, end up trying to be happy together again, but inevitably breaking up again and going back to stalking and reviewing phase.

The morbid fascination with stalking and reviewing has worn off, and I would be mostly ok, except that any delusional attempt to test whether I’m over it by responding to contact, initiating contact, and/or getting together WILL lead back to trying to be happy together again, and then break up and then stalking and reviewing.

I couldn’t give a fuck anymore phase.  Over it and over men, happily single and don’t want to see a man again ever in my life.

I could put myself out there and let another man in … which up to now has always led back to another breakup… sigh what a painful way to waste time.

A responsible dad?


He would make a perfect partner right?  Maybe not.  Maybe he couldn’t be bothered to even fit you in anywhere.  Can’t bother to take you out but ask you if you’ve made supper since he is hungry.  Maybe he spends the whole sunshine part of the weekend with his kid, which is noble, and what a bitch you would be to expect him to spend any of that time with you.  Maybe he would expect you to ask him out, with the going out subsequently never happening.  Maybe he would regularly check up on what you were doing, just for checking up but not to make any plans.  Maybe he will announce he is available and expect you to do the asking to meet up or something like that.  And after a long day of him working till 10pm,  he will deny that him wanting to ‘come over’ is nothing more than a booty call because that’s just the time he finished working and he wants to see you and in defense proclaim to be able to sleep next to you for a month without expecting sex. Fuck

Sigh.  Another one wolf.  Another one.  Fuck

The persistence of memory


The Persistence of Memory – Salvador Dali

The minute he walked in, I knew, I’d seen those eyes before – up close.  I’d been mesmerized by those eyes, for one night.  They were not his eyes exactly, but they looked exactly like his.  Big, and innocent, staring at the world in wonder.  Childlike innocence written on his otherwise uneventful sun-kissed face.

I asked him to dance.  He looked confused at first, then stepped forward, and took me in a close dance hold – Chest to chest, cheek to cheek.  I’d seen those eyes before.  And where I’d seen those eyes, before, I’d seen the face of someone else I’d seen before.  But only when he smiled.  This must be what time travel feels like.  Memories of things I’d not thought about came flooding back, the time I saw those eyes before.  Intoxication makes me see deeper than I normally see.  It can makes me feel deeper than I normally feel.  It makes my hands instruments of a mysterious goddess of sensuality.  My alter ego.  My true self.

He looked like the gentlest most joyful soul I’d never have expected to meet.  I saw him as he came in.  He looked at me.  I looked to my food.  I was not interested in some Brit looking for an exotic fling.  There were two of them.  Then suddenly he was leaning over my table, right over my food.  “Can I smell your lobster?” He asked.  Too shocked to reply (it was too late anyway as he was sniffing it already) I smiled.  They went to sit.   When I looked up, only once I did, he was staring at me with those eyes.  Those big eyes were swallowing me whole.  And I had no choice in the matter.  At the counter paying my bill, the two of them appeared.  Then we were talking, and they were persuading me to stay another day,  There was no resisting it, even though I knew it would change this place for me forever.  I had no choice.  When he told me the story of his name, I was destined to never forget.

Holiday romances are unforgettable.

How long can a woman take to learn her lesson.

  • Some women refuse to learn from their mistakes.  This friend of mine’s been dating younger black guys for many years.  She is approximately 60 appears to be comfortably able to support herself, travel on a whim, and not have to work to do it.  So easy target for a guy looking for a financial shoulder to lean on.   And they clearly only see her as a sugarmommy.  In my conversation with her below, you will see her delusion.  The latest one is living with his ex (I’m sure the ex is not aware that she is the ex, and I’m not convinced that she’s become the ex), never contacts her, and she doesn’t feel like she’s allowed to expect anything from him.  The alleged ex btw is also an older woman from Germany.  Yet she believes he loves her so much more than she loves him and that its deep deep love.  I find it hard to believe that she believes herself.   I also find it somewhat tragic that she thinks the alternative to being faithful to a half-hearted, unavailable boyfriend is ‘playing around’ instead of letting her life be about her life and not about sex with other men, who would be strangers to her.  Her so called boyfriend’s name is Jonas, and Kevin is a friend of Jonas whom I’ve been on one or two dates with.
    The problem with women is we base our feelings on our feelings, not on facts. And then we lie to ourselves and to our friends who will support our delusions due to a combination of not wanting to hurt our feelings and also the knowledge that opposing our delusions will do no good in any case.  I also think that many women have such low self esteem when it comes to men, that when a man so much as touches her with the tip of his middle finger, she reckons something like:”Oh my God, he touched me, and I wouldn’t even touch me because I’m so ugly/boring/uninteresting/loser-ish -etc- So he must really really really love me very very much”.

    I am disappointed in Kevin. I started thinking maybe its my warped man radar, but its not

    i thinks he only has time, or is willing to make time for me at night

    which sounds like a booty call

    i’m glad I havent’ gone and bumped uglies with him yet

    so at least i’m thinking straight

  • friend

    ok but be aware he might have kids which is daytime thing

    and if it is going to be then it will be without drama
    yes, but if so, I’m not willing to be the woman to relieve his sexual tension
    and get nothing else from him
  • friend
    ok fair enough


    but has he even made a sexual move on you yet

    as he sounded respectful


    I’ve always been the one who is making excuses and seeing the potential in the man


  • i hear you there sista

    us woman do that
  • me
    he is respectful. we only kissed, he slept over in the spare room
  • but even respectful men do booty calls
  • friend
    was it nice to be with him
  • me
    i dont’ know him well enough to say if its nice or not
  • friend

    by the way i know absolutely nothing about him. jonas never said anything about him. i am jsut checking if you are running

  • me
    i don’t know him well enough, so not completely comfortable to do say whatever is on my mind

    I’m not running

  • friend
  • me
    I gave him a fair chance. Now I’m going to enjoy my holiday, I’m not going to contact him again.

    if he wants to make an effort of any kind its up to him, and if it continues to be a half hearted effort, then I’m going to cut it out

  • friend
    yeah go and enjoy yourself sure you going to dance

    and then we can all go to moz. oh i would love that

  • me
    he drinks alot too. i think some occasions he actually chose to go drink beer than to spend some time with me
  • friend
    yeah i must say with foreign men it is diff. the amount of no expectation i live with ,

    but do get on wit my lfie fully

  • me
    eish, the expecting nothing part is not good

    I’m not doing it again.

  • friend
    yeah – hard like waiting for crumbs , not good at all. so all i can do is live my life fully. he is totally supprotive but i imagine pissed off wiht me never there at all. in july we see what happens as i do know he is really specail

    and i know he loves me deeply , but when not in the same country eeek

  • me
    thats hard
  • friend
    and i don’t believe he plays around but i could be wrong after all i nearly played around myself.

    yeah hard but the love is deep

  • me
    lol, we all human in the end
  • friend
    i feel his comfort

    and he is still staying with his ex so that is also complicated

  • me
    Be careful girl, men and women are on very different wavelengths
  • friend
    but when i come back i want it ALL
  • me
    women feel a lot

    men don’t

  • friend

    i think he loves me more than i do but who knows

  • me
    if only it were possible to base one’s feelings on hard facts

    on what we see and experience

  • friend
    haha you wise woman

    maybe time for me to play – eh?

  • me
    who knows

    I think you should be honest and true to yourself and the really important things going on in your life

    give it all your heart

    and soul

  • friend
    i certainly can now