When I was heartbroken

I went hiking.  It was hard at first.  It reminded me of what we shared.  But soon, it became just mine to enjoy again.

I danced salsa.  At first each dance offered a few minutes of ecstasy, taking me out of my sadness, if only for a few minutes, but the more I danced, the less discontinuity there was between the ecstatic moments.

I was inspired to draw again.  I have not had time yet.  I will again.

I started a blog.  I blogged about brief epiphanies, feelings and thoughts.  Not all.  Only ones free of ego which were true and had a positive twist.  I blogged about why I love Cape Town.  So that I could ‘take back’ the pictures I took of Cape Town to share with him.

I enrolled for a spanish course.  Its a happy place and opened up a new social avenue in my life, and access to a language of many vibrant cultures of the world.

I dressed up and made myself up to enhance my beauty.  I worked out to feel good and look good.  I helped me feel beautiful and carry myself with confidence.

I wrote. About everything.

I cried.  About everything.  And then I stopped.

I bought a guitar.  And played  again.  I was inspired to play again.  I started teaching myself to read music and learn the note positions on the guitar.  I have all these songs in me that may be able to come out one day when I know the language.

I realized I put other’s opinions, wants, needs, and feelings before my own.  I started to change that.  Its much more relaxing and I’m getting closer to being myself.

This is how I heal from heartbreak.

Dear You

You will never get this.  Neither literally nor figuratively.  You won’t.

I see now where I am coming from.  I see where you are coming from.  There’s a reason you  attempt relationships with people on continents other than your own.  Its why I attempt relationships with people who are always leaving.  It felt different this time, with you, but it was the same in the end.  Just a different wrapping.  A most inviting one.

 

I don’t hate you.  Well at least not anymore.  The bad feelings are almost all gone.

 

miriam briks

painting by Miriam Briks