Have you ever lived with a messy person? Good lord. They just take their shoes off and leave it anywhere. In a total state of unawareness. You’d think that once the sink is clear of dishes, and they use a plate, they’d be considerate and wash the bloody plate and put it back. If the floor was dirty, they’d take a broom and sweep, and a mop and mop. I mean it doesn’t take much time and effort man! They don’t know about hanging their clothes up once they’ve taken it off the hanger. Its a nightmare. And no matter how you try to convince them that its not that hard to be neat, they just don’t get it!
Goodness, you should try living with me. Sometimes I just don’t know anymore how to get myself out of my own mess. I tell myself, I’m going go through every inch of the house, box anything and everything up that I hadn’t touched in about 3 months and just give it away! See that’s part of the problem. Apart from being totally averse to doing housework, if you have too much stuff, like clothes, shoes, books, dishes, tools, scarves, bloody hell, too much of everything, you just have no inspiration to put anything back. Because putting it back is a constant struggle to find space. Then I start in a corner of one room, and get so sentimental about stupid shit. I mean really stupid, like for instance a broken plastic bracelet that I might have picked up somewhere when I was still in the second decade of my life. Its stupid. I know. I think their is some kind of psychological classification for what I’ve got.
Anyway, all that comes from an attempt to scale down and clean up is that all the junk just gets put on a different place. Sigh.
There are people among us who thrive on diminishing others. You find them everywhere, at work, in the family, masquerading as friends, romantic partners … they have for whatever combination of life circumstances, developed this modus operandi of subtly but effectively belittling others. And why they mostly get away with it is because the rest of (unsuspecting) us have been raised to respect the feelings and boundaries of others, to be kind, and give others a chance before we give ourselves a chance.
What I have learnt is they cannot make me feel ashamed of my expectations. They cannot make me ashamed of my feelings. They cannot make me ashamed of my passion. They cannot force their beliefs on me. They cannot discredit my opinions. They cannot make me do anything I don’t want to do. Their opinion about me is not important. They cannot make me feel small. I don’t allow them that power over me anymore.
He left behind a pocket knife.
I get out of bed because the thought of failing is more powerful than my love of comfort. And that’s not at all such a bad thing.