People who thrive on diminishing others

boundaries

There are people among us who thrive on diminishing others.  You find them everywhere, at work, in the family, masquerading as friends, romantic partners …  they have for whatever combination of life circumstances, developed this modus operandi of subtly but effectively belittling others.  And why they mostly get away with it is because the rest of (unsuspecting) us have been raised to respect the feelings and boundaries of others, to be kind, and give others a chance before we give ourselves a chance.

What I have learnt is they cannot make me feel ashamed of my expectations.  They cannot make me ashamed of my feelings.  They cannot make me ashamed of my passion.  They cannot force their beliefs on me.   They cannot discredit my opinions.  They cannot make me do anything I don’t want to do.  Their opinion about me is not important.  They cannot make me feel small.  I don’t allow them that power over me anymore.

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The meaning of life

Is Life.

You understand it with every choice you make, with every joy and sadness, with every great mistake, loss, success and achievement.  Every mistake, every loss is more than it seems to be.  It is a lesson.  You feel it inside yourself.  And it needs validation from nobody else, only youmeaningoflife.

When I was heartbroken

I went hiking.  It was hard at first.  It reminded me of what we shared.  But soon, it became just mine to enjoy again.

I danced salsa.  At first each dance offered a few minutes of ecstasy, taking me out of my sadness, if only for a few minutes, but the more I danced, the less discontinuity there was between the ecstatic moments.

I was inspired to draw again.  I have not had time yet.  I will again.

I started a blog.  I blogged about brief epiphanies, feelings and thoughts.  Not all.  Only ones free of ego which were true and had a positive twist.  I blogged about why I love Cape Town.  So that I could ‘take back’ the pictures I took of Cape Town to share with him.

I enrolled for a spanish course.  Its a happy place and opened up a new social avenue in my life, and access to a language of many vibrant cultures of the world.

I dressed up and made myself up to enhance my beauty.  I worked out to feel good and look good.  I helped me feel beautiful and carry myself with confidence.

I wrote. About everything.

I cried.  About everything.  And then I stopped.

I bought a guitar.  And played  again.  I was inspired to play again.  I started teaching myself to read music and learn the note positions on the guitar.  I have all these songs in me that may be able to come out one day when I know the language.

I realized I put other’s opinions, wants, needs, and feelings before my own.  I started to change that.  Its much more relaxing and I’m getting closer to being myself.

This is how I heal from heartbreak.